Class Prophecy for the Concordia Grad Class of 1985
Reprinted from the '85 Yearbook. Written by Bill Quast (?)
It is the year 2010, and the Concordia High School class of '85 is having its 25-year reunion. Let's look in to see what has become of everyone. Leslie Nolin, a zoologist, arrived driving her own Porsche -- "Pink, of course."
Cathy Biggs took time off from horse training (she cuts their manes and tails in punk style). Chris Pedrick, still a bachelor, wheeler dealer, is a businessman in Victoria. Carolyn Rudyk teaches agronomy and health in the Third World. Helen Sullivan, a writer, will have her work made into a movie by Ken Eckert Productions. Visiting from Africa, where she plays oboe and teaches classical music in a small village is Lynne Hopcraft. Miriam Kentel, also a music lover, has little time for music because she also loves kids and was regularly pregnant until age forty. But there are other musicians: Shonda Jardine, the lady with a big voice, is known as Prima Lunga; Lila Borger, the singing cowgirl, can handle any man; and Blake Havard, who plays a mean guitar and sings a white hot song, is one cool dude. Jean Greer, the lady with the big heart for people, is married to "Rosco."
Good bossman Gary Tam runs his own graphics studio and art gallery. Spero Tryphonas, who owns a Greek restaurant in West Edmonton Mall, is deep in conversation with Dominique Wong, who runs her own business like a dictator, in the true feminist spirit. Karl Klann, who wants to marry a world famous fashion model and own a Mercedes or two, is sharing a joke with small and still spunky Tina Gully, who spends her time driving racing cars and skiing in Austria.
A number of athletes are attending this reunion: Bruce Braham, training for the Olympic luge team, spends his summers in Zimbabwe naugas hunting. Arriving with Jeff Walz, owner of the Alberta Globetrotters basketball team,is Neil Sutherland, instructor of a Moroccan soccer team. Sam Snyder, winner of the Mother of the Year award and a participant in the Boston Marathon, is chatting with Elaine Raketti, who also runs: she has been pursued by Prince Andrew for twenty years. Michael Borger keeps an eye on the world as a traveling optometrist for the N.B.A.
The Class of '85 also boasts its share of the wealthy: Sandra Li, a dentist, has found gold in the mouths of her patients. Don Steenwinkel struck it rich when he invented -- and patented -- the heated padded toilet seat with a solar option. Thomas Wong, enormously wealthy, is still single: Leta Youck has achieved the "Concordia Dream": a gorgeous husband, three kids, a champion golden retriever, and a Porsche. Jimmy Onking, an international businessman, takes only "yes" for an answer. Deb Hagglund is our first millionaire: she invented the "Stubbie Odor Eater Pad." And Jeff Miller, "Big Tex," wearing cowboy boots as always, is on his way to becoming another J. R. Ewing.
Multilingual David Holm is dazzling everyone with his gift for gab in six languages. He is chatting with Derek Chao and his Canadian wife. Paul Horsman, founder of the Vegreville College of Art, is a famous painter. Roland Schwaldt is an auto mechanic whose wife teaches German. They drive 18-wheelers together. Ok-Soon Kim, a world traveller, is an optometrist with an eye for good taste. Christine Ho is a Hong Kong journalist who write under the pen names "Tea He" and "Hee Ho." Fellow countryman Eli Shek is a Hong Kong hero, a businessman, and a senior pilot for British Airways. Dr. David Young likes the numbers games, computers, that is. Bryan Braul is Mike Borger's chief "Slurpee" client. Roni Lees is the chief translator for the Nicobar Islands. And Fariba is head of the chemistry department at Oxford University.
Andrew Schoepf has become a self-taught brain surgeon. Wonder why he has so few patients? Tim Hands recently won the J.S. Bach award for father of the year. Where did he get all that energy? Mitch Panciuk was Prime Minister of Canada until Ken Eckert and his Banana Republic set up a dictatorship in Canada. Ken, by the way, phones Deanna Powley once a week and yells, "Rock Into Guiness, eh!" Genelle Railey and Darlene Bara, friends to the end, are now Siamese twins. Dave Hillmer, Concordia's first Supreme Court judge, has somehow managed to become president of Chap Stick International. Hmmm.
Dawn Nelson, also a Supreme Court judge, reports that many members of the class of '85 have appeared before her bench. Maria Mayan is an eminent psychologist for the Canadian Institute for the Loss of Memory. Verna Shum, whose brain is faster than the fastest computer, received the Bertie Einstein Award. Kris Barager spends her time colour draping the Oilers. Chris Schumann, a travelling commercial artist, freelances in Hawaii and California. And finally, a fellow Californian, Cheryl Toner, takes in wayward blondes, driving them around in her yellow convertible bug.